If I weren't such a chicken
If I weren't such a chicken...
So many areas of my life fall under this title.
In fact, if I weren't such a chicken, my writing would be available to so many more people. I hide it from my wife. I don't want to be chastised for what I write. I don't want to edit my thoughts. I want my thoughts to end up on the page, unchanged by others. And I am a chicken because I am afraid my thoughts would be shot down in the public forum.
For decades I have sought a public medium in which I could vent in a safe way. Now I have this medium for expressing myself. If I weren't such a chicken, I could be on television speaking about these thoughts, trying to get others to see the logic of my wisdom and to know the face of the mind behind these thoughts. But such notoriety requires thick skin. I only have onion skin.
My comments do get shot down occasionally on You Tube. Most of the time they are upheld and loved. My you tube comments have helped me connect and have written conversation with several farmers, tiny home builders, van life builders, and woodsmen. This has helped me create a bond in which several of these folks respond easily and quickly to my thoughts. I learn from my comments and readers help me to create more respectful and thoughtful posts. I also learn to be more appreciative of these strangers who take the time to educate me with their logic. I am so grateful for such learning and communication. But yet. my face is hidden. Fortunately the vloggers do not mind my visual absence.
FB is another of those forums in which even with visuals, my friends and relatives can communicate in ways which help me to realize that I need to be more careful with my words and less hurtful. I greatly appreciate the connections I have and the comments I can make and the knowledge that I can learn and keep up with the news from back home. But, if I weren't such a chicken, I might be live and really be honest. But I'm a chicken.
More deeply, this topic is really about my self and my spiritual faith or lack thereof. If I weren't such a chicken, I'd be a Catholic. I was raised a Baptist. I was very studious and spiritual as a kid. If anyone was a sinner within the church I was sure to speak up and admit that it was I. I would study my Bible habitually and seek it for the hidden answers and mysteries to life. I would learn from others about what it said and teach others.
Thirty six years of marriage to a Catholic spouse has had an effect. I hardly ever read the Bible. I have not lost my faith in God or Jesus. If I read the Bible, I will speak my mind on what I have read. If I have studied it, I will speak. And that only brings out the omniscience and strong stern determination of my wife to put me back in my place as a person who does not know or understand God and his ways. Our life becomes an intense religious battle and marriage becomes life in solitary confinement and deep animosity. My skin is not that thick. I have onion skin.
But this movement away from the daily habits and practices of faith is not the only area in which I am a chicken. I have attended Mass with my wife since before we were married in the Catholic church. I know the Mass, almost intimately. I love the private nature of the relationship in which each person comes before God in worship as well as in group prayers. The liturgy remains the same. The scriptural readings are systematic and become comforting in the routine. The Priest's homilies are always as challenging as any Evangelical minister's homilies. And I love the historic progression of the head of the church from Jesus to Peter to the next leaders in succession, those known as the Popes. If I weren't a chicken I would hold fast to these beloved aspects of the Catholic church, the mother and founding church of all Protestant churches. The church itself built upon the precepts of Judaism and of Jesus the Saviour. However some aspects of the Doctrine of the Catholic church cause me to pause. Those sacraments and tenets that would cause me to reveal myself. And I am a chicken.
What are those hangups?
The sacrament of reconciliation is a big one. I was raised to confess to God and to ask for repentance. Seeking it from a Priest acting in the capacity of God is daunting. I don't want my sin shared with another. I know it is all out there to the public in the end of time, but I like my privacy.
The sacrament of the Eucharist is not so hard to deal with. Could Jesus be in the wine and the wafer? He said it, I believe it. But I have to take the package deal, the whole thing. So I will suffer the absence of the Lord's table as long as necessary.
The Pope as vicar of Christ, the infallible in all things spiritual and led by the Holy Spirit, yet the fallible in all things not spiritual. In this position as head of the church, I don't doubt the teaching, but I still place a higher trust in God.
I know that the Catholic Church is the original church, but I also know that my relationship with God is unique. It can't be controlled by the declarations of the Pope or his hierarchy. I am too fearful to let these church leaders control my life. Again, I am too private and too chicken to go there. I'll take my chances with God through Jesus and rest in Him. I 'll take God and Jesus as the Holy Bible proclaims them and stay at peace with that.
I will continue to attend the Mass. I love it's reverence for God and Jesus. I love the essence of holiness that I find in it. I love the love that the Priests have for God and fellow man as they talk about how to live with Jesus. But, I am too chicken to follow in the footsteps of my spouse.
I shall be the small 'p' protestant until God shows me otherwise. Where he leads, I will go.
If I weren't such a chicken. Saint Peter help me out on this one. :)
So many areas of my life fall under this title.
In fact, if I weren't such a chicken, my writing would be available to so many more people. I hide it from my wife. I don't want to be chastised for what I write. I don't want to edit my thoughts. I want my thoughts to end up on the page, unchanged by others. And I am a chicken because I am afraid my thoughts would be shot down in the public forum.
For decades I have sought a public medium in which I could vent in a safe way. Now I have this medium for expressing myself. If I weren't such a chicken, I could be on television speaking about these thoughts, trying to get others to see the logic of my wisdom and to know the face of the mind behind these thoughts. But such notoriety requires thick skin. I only have onion skin.
My comments do get shot down occasionally on You Tube. Most of the time they are upheld and loved. My you tube comments have helped me connect and have written conversation with several farmers, tiny home builders, van life builders, and woodsmen. This has helped me create a bond in which several of these folks respond easily and quickly to my thoughts. I learn from my comments and readers help me to create more respectful and thoughtful posts. I also learn to be more appreciative of these strangers who take the time to educate me with their logic. I am so grateful for such learning and communication. But yet. my face is hidden. Fortunately the vloggers do not mind my visual absence.
FB is another of those forums in which even with visuals, my friends and relatives can communicate in ways which help me to realize that I need to be more careful with my words and less hurtful. I greatly appreciate the connections I have and the comments I can make and the knowledge that I can learn and keep up with the news from back home. But, if I weren't such a chicken, I might be live and really be honest. But I'm a chicken.
More deeply, this topic is really about my self and my spiritual faith or lack thereof. If I weren't such a chicken, I'd be a Catholic. I was raised a Baptist. I was very studious and spiritual as a kid. If anyone was a sinner within the church I was sure to speak up and admit that it was I. I would study my Bible habitually and seek it for the hidden answers and mysteries to life. I would learn from others about what it said and teach others.
Thirty six years of marriage to a Catholic spouse has had an effect. I hardly ever read the Bible. I have not lost my faith in God or Jesus. If I read the Bible, I will speak my mind on what I have read. If I have studied it, I will speak. And that only brings out the omniscience and strong stern determination of my wife to put me back in my place as a person who does not know or understand God and his ways. Our life becomes an intense religious battle and marriage becomes life in solitary confinement and deep animosity. My skin is not that thick. I have onion skin.
But this movement away from the daily habits and practices of faith is not the only area in which I am a chicken. I have attended Mass with my wife since before we were married in the Catholic church. I know the Mass, almost intimately. I love the private nature of the relationship in which each person comes before God in worship as well as in group prayers. The liturgy remains the same. The scriptural readings are systematic and become comforting in the routine. The Priest's homilies are always as challenging as any Evangelical minister's homilies. And I love the historic progression of the head of the church from Jesus to Peter to the next leaders in succession, those known as the Popes. If I weren't a chicken I would hold fast to these beloved aspects of the Catholic church, the mother and founding church of all Protestant churches. The church itself built upon the precepts of Judaism and of Jesus the Saviour. However some aspects of the Doctrine of the Catholic church cause me to pause. Those sacraments and tenets that would cause me to reveal myself. And I am a chicken.
What are those hangups?
The sacrament of reconciliation is a big one. I was raised to confess to God and to ask for repentance. Seeking it from a Priest acting in the capacity of God is daunting. I don't want my sin shared with another. I know it is all out there to the public in the end of time, but I like my privacy.
The sacrament of the Eucharist is not so hard to deal with. Could Jesus be in the wine and the wafer? He said it, I believe it. But I have to take the package deal, the whole thing. So I will suffer the absence of the Lord's table as long as necessary.
The Pope as vicar of Christ, the infallible in all things spiritual and led by the Holy Spirit, yet the fallible in all things not spiritual. In this position as head of the church, I don't doubt the teaching, but I still place a higher trust in God.
I know that the Catholic Church is the original church, but I also know that my relationship with God is unique. It can't be controlled by the declarations of the Pope or his hierarchy. I am too fearful to let these church leaders control my life. Again, I am too private and too chicken to go there. I'll take my chances with God through Jesus and rest in Him. I 'll take God and Jesus as the Holy Bible proclaims them and stay at peace with that.
I will continue to attend the Mass. I love it's reverence for God and Jesus. I love the essence of holiness that I find in it. I love the love that the Priests have for God and fellow man as they talk about how to live with Jesus. But, I am too chicken to follow in the footsteps of my spouse.
I shall be the small 'p' protestant until God shows me otherwise. Where he leads, I will go.
If I weren't such a chicken. Saint Peter help me out on this one. :)
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